It's about 1:23 pm on Sunday the 9th of June 2013.
I had surgery three days ago to completely remove my thyroid. My surgeon, Dr. Stang, said that it was four times larger than normal thyroids and that he had to cut into my chest and that it also was higher and farther spread out than usual. That could explain why I'm in so much pain.
Everyone around me had been pushing for me to have my thyroid either removed or treated with radioactive iodine for awhile. People made me think that I'd have surgery and then everything would be peachy keen, jelly bean. Well, things are not at all peachy, nor are they keen.
Sunday, June 9, 2013
Friday, March 15, 2013
Monday, February 11, 2013
Life's Punching Bag
It's around 3:15 pm on Thursday 17 January 2013.
I recently got back from seeing my doctor.
Now it is Monday 11 February. I started this blog post but then I became too upset to finish it. Apparently it took me weeks before I could muster up the courage to talk about it. I've had Graves disease for years and many of you know that. I have the worst case Graves disease that my doctors have ever seen. I can live with that...literally...I can, in fact, LIVE with that. I can live a relatively long and somewhat healthy life as long as I stay on my massive doses of medications. The things that bother me are the symptoms that I cannot control. I have eye issues and weight issues that suck big time. It's no fun at all being an actress, model and singer with self-esteem issues and then having real physical deformities added into the mix. Every moment of each day is a struggle when I see people face-to-face and it's even painful to just look in the mirror.
Life was hard even before the 17th of January. But on that particular doctor's visit, he told me that he thinks that I have a brain aneurysm. I'm not sure if I can live with that.
I recently got back from seeing my doctor.
Now it is Monday 11 February. I started this blog post but then I became too upset to finish it. Apparently it took me weeks before I could muster up the courage to talk about it. I've had Graves disease for years and many of you know that. I have the worst case Graves disease that my doctors have ever seen. I can live with that...literally...I can, in fact, LIVE with that. I can live a relatively long and somewhat healthy life as long as I stay on my massive doses of medications. The things that bother me are the symptoms that I cannot control. I have eye issues and weight issues that suck big time. It's no fun at all being an actress, model and singer with self-esteem issues and then having real physical deformities added into the mix. Every moment of each day is a struggle when I see people face-to-face and it's even painful to just look in the mirror.
Life was hard even before the 17th of January. But on that particular doctor's visit, he told me that he thinks that I have a brain aneurysm. I'm not sure if I can live with that.
Bloggitty Blog Blog
I should be in South Korea right now...but I'm not. Instead I've just started my long awaited "bathroom blog" called "The Bathroom Review." I purchased the rights to this website months ago but only just now got around to starting it.
http://www.thebathroomreview.com/
For years I have been trying to get around to this project of mine where I formally evaluate all of the public bathrooms that I visit. I visit many bathrooms so I have my work cut out for me. I will tell you of the bathroom's cleanliness, size and the availability of soap and approved hand drying devices, etc. Bathrooms are important to me and when the bathroom upsets me, it usually ruins my meal.
In case I haven't mentioned this before, you can order Avon products from my website and have them shipped directly to your front door. If you enter the current free shipping promotion code in during checkout then you won't even have to pay for shipping. Here is my Avon website:
www.youravon.com/crystalann
Thanks for reading!
http://www.thebathroomreview.com/
For years I have been trying to get around to this project of mine where I formally evaluate all of the public bathrooms that I visit. I visit many bathrooms so I have my work cut out for me. I will tell you of the bathroom's cleanliness, size and the availability of soap and approved hand drying devices, etc. Bathrooms are important to me and when the bathroom upsets me, it usually ruins my meal.
In case I haven't mentioned this before, you can order Avon products from my website and have them shipped directly to your front door. If you enter the current free shipping promotion code in during checkout then you won't even have to pay for shipping. Here is my Avon website:
www.youravon.com/crystalann
Thanks for reading!
Monday, January 7, 2013
I Can't Change the Name of this Blog, Can I?
It's the seventh of January, 2013 at approximately 4:18 in the afternoon.
I cried today. I cried a few times. This morning at around seven, I checked my email as I have been checking it about thirty times daily in order to receive the good news that I had been accepted into the TaLK program and that I would be shipping out later this month. It happened in slow motion: I saw the email from TaLK and as I was clicking on it to open it, I thought about interrupting my husband during his shower so that he would be the first person to see the excitement on my face while telling him that I had been accepted. However, as I started reading the email, certain phrases such as "regret to inform you" slapped me in the face with a cold dose of early morning reality. I had jumped through so many hoops trying to get my application together for TaLK. I pulled in favors from a former employer and professor and they wrote recommendation letters for me. When I should have been focusing all of my effort, time and brain power on finishing my final papers for university, I instead split the time up and focused on my TaLK application. I ran around like a chicken with my head cut off getting a background check on myself and then having it apostilled and notarized. I even had to pay for everything out of my own pocket without reimbursement. Yet with all of my hard work, I was still rejected. Rejected. Dejected now. Their rejection email said that my application "was not competitive with the rest of the applicant pool." How can that be? I keep asking myself how my application didn't stand up to the rest of them. I graduated with straight A's and a triple major in Linguistics, Arts and Psychology. I spent a couple hundred hours teaching English to non-native speakers FOR FREE. My criminal history is spotless, I showed great enthusiasm in my application essay and I started teaching myself Korean. I even purchased classroom materials with hopes that I would use them while teaching adorable and eager Korean children. I honestly do not know what I did or did not do. After telling my friends and family that I would be in South Korea for a year, now I have to explain to them that I will be staying here while being jobless. Jobless. I have no work at all right now. That's not 100% true. I just started selling Avon four days ago. Want to know how much money I've made so far? It's zip, zero, zilch, nadda, nothin'.
After crying, I decided to pick up my whiny arse and find something else to do with my life so I called an Air Force recruiter. They don't want me. Due to my disease and my fluctuating health, the military doesn't want me. Now that's a kick in my ample booty. I probably shouldn't even bother applying for the FBI or CIA - which was my previous end game plan. I was going to teach abroad and get another language under my belt and then I thought that I would be most desirable to the FBI or CIA. If the military won't take me then they surely won't either.
So my last question is: "Would you like fries with that?"
Thursday, December 20, 2012
Waiting to Hear Back from TaLK * Christmas Grief * Baby, It's Cold Outside *
I am eagerly waiting to hear back from someone in the TaLK program. It has not been long since I've turned in all of my necessary documents but I'm in a hurry to find out what I'll be doing with my life for the next year or so. I'm banking on going to teach in South Korea yet there is this tiny voice that whispers to me that I may not get in the program. The problem is that I have no real backup plan. I could get a crumby minimum-wage job for six months and then reapply for the TaLK program in the summer but I'd rather not work another low-paying, no respect, soul-sucking job. I've had too many of those and I'm hoping that I'll never find myself in a situation where I'm forced to work one of those thankless jobs again. I'm too educated, too intelligent, too cultured, and frankly, too flippin' old to be putting up with that sort of crap. It's on to new, fresh crap for me!
Part of the reason I'm looking forward to teaching in South Korea is that I'm excited to learn more Korean. I've formally studied French, German, Spanish and Arabic and I've dabbled in Italian, Urdu and Korean. In case you didn't know, I'm a language geek. I always have been. Assuming I get in the program and spend a year in South Korea, when I come back to the states, I will be somewhat fluent in Korean. That geeks me out. I am also tossing around the idea of teaching in other countries when I finish my year in South Korea. Among the countries that I'm considering are China and Saudi Arabia. This is a long way off so for now I shall only focus on the present and near future.
There are plenty of reasons why I want to teach in South Korea but another little reason is that I may not be allowed to legally drive in the USA for awhile. See, the thing is...I was pulled over by a police officer yesterday for allegedly passing a stopped school bus. I am pleading "not guilty" but if I am found guilty at my hearing, my license could be taken away for six months, I'll have five points on my driver's license and my car insurance will sky-rocket. All of this would be more palatable if I were living out of the country for the duration of my license suspension. This is a giant headache. The fines associated with allegedly passing a stopped school bus are astronomical. Have I mentioned that I have no money? I haven't yet? Oh, then read on...
Even though I am incredibly poor right now, I treated myself to a buffet lunch at Misaki. With each bite I felt guilty for spending the money on lunch when I should be spending it on Christmas presents. Each year I am obligated to buy for my 22 closest family members. I come from a big family with step-parents, half-siblings, grandparents who are like parents and uncles and aunts who are like brothers and sisters. Then there are the children of the uncles and aunts. Christmas stresses me out more than anything. Each year since I can remember, I've stretched myself too thin in order to buy presents for everyone. For at least a decade, I've been dying to tell everyone not to buy me any presents because I just couldn't afford it. "But you have to buy for the kids," my grandma always reminds me. Well, if I have to buy for the kids, then why not buy for everyone else? It's surprisingly not that many extra people to buy for... My blood pressure will not lower until after Christmas. The meaning of Christmas is so lost beneath the tons of stress, mandatory gifts, greeting cards and fattening foods. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against fattening foods.
I'm not good at Christmas. I've never been a good gift-giver. My presents are often re-gifted to other unsuspecting victims. You know why I think I'm a bad gift-giver? I think it's because it's darn near impossible to find the perfect gift for under $20. Seriously. What unforgettable gift costs $20 or less? If so-and-so really wanted it in the first place, well, they would have already purchased said item. Want to know what else I'm bad at? Writing "thank you" cards! It has been over a year since our white wedding and I still have not sent out the "thank you" cards yet. It's not that I'm not grateful. I am extraordinarily grateful, in fact. I just don't show it by sending "thank you" cards.
It's 63 degrees in our apartment right now and I'm chilly. Our landlord has been avoiding paying the heating bill (our rent is so high that it includes the cost of heating) and then when he finally paid it, the apartment building's heating system broke and he refused to fix it for about a month. My husband, our cats and I survived a harsh and cold storm with no indoor heating for weeks. Even though we all huddled together, I still could not shake the chill. I slept with two blankets, a husband and several cats and I was still cold. Eventually he fixed the heating system but I'm not sure what is going on right now. Perhaps he's just too cheap to turn on the radiators today. I shouldn't be complaining that it's 63 degrees because we lived with the apartment being much colder.
I take care of one stray cat in particular but the food that I put outside gets eaten by other cats as well. "Mama Cat," we call her because she's birthed so many litters of kittens, has been under my supervision for a couple of years now. My husband and I trapped and spayed her months ago so that she could focus on keeping herself alive and not constantly worrying about her brood. She's feral but she lets me get about a foot away from her when I'm bringing her food at night. When the weather is bad, I feel really sorry for her. Even though we've supplied her with a make-shift home consisting of a cardboard box and several items of clothing, she still must endure the harsh temperatures. I wish we could do more for her.
Part of the reason I'm looking forward to teaching in South Korea is that I'm excited to learn more Korean. I've formally studied French, German, Spanish and Arabic and I've dabbled in Italian, Urdu and Korean. In case you didn't know, I'm a language geek. I always have been. Assuming I get in the program and spend a year in South Korea, when I come back to the states, I will be somewhat fluent in Korean. That geeks me out. I am also tossing around the idea of teaching in other countries when I finish my year in South Korea. Among the countries that I'm considering are China and Saudi Arabia. This is a long way off so for now I shall only focus on the present and near future.
There are plenty of reasons why I want to teach in South Korea but another little reason is that I may not be allowed to legally drive in the USA for awhile. See, the thing is...I was pulled over by a police officer yesterday for allegedly passing a stopped school bus. I am pleading "not guilty" but if I am found guilty at my hearing, my license could be taken away for six months, I'll have five points on my driver's license and my car insurance will sky-rocket. All of this would be more palatable if I were living out of the country for the duration of my license suspension. This is a giant headache. The fines associated with allegedly passing a stopped school bus are astronomical. Have I mentioned that I have no money? I haven't yet? Oh, then read on...
Even though I am incredibly poor right now, I treated myself to a buffet lunch at Misaki. With each bite I felt guilty for spending the money on lunch when I should be spending it on Christmas presents. Each year I am obligated to buy for my 22 closest family members. I come from a big family with step-parents, half-siblings, grandparents who are like parents and uncles and aunts who are like brothers and sisters. Then there are the children of the uncles and aunts. Christmas stresses me out more than anything. Each year since I can remember, I've stretched myself too thin in order to buy presents for everyone. For at least a decade, I've been dying to tell everyone not to buy me any presents because I just couldn't afford it. "But you have to buy for the kids," my grandma always reminds me. Well, if I have to buy for the kids, then why not buy for everyone else? It's surprisingly not that many extra people to buy for... My blood pressure will not lower until after Christmas. The meaning of Christmas is so lost beneath the tons of stress, mandatory gifts, greeting cards and fattening foods. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against fattening foods.
I'm not good at Christmas. I've never been a good gift-giver. My presents are often re-gifted to other unsuspecting victims. You know why I think I'm a bad gift-giver? I think it's because it's darn near impossible to find the perfect gift for under $20. Seriously. What unforgettable gift costs $20 or less? If so-and-so really wanted it in the first place, well, they would have already purchased said item. Want to know what else I'm bad at? Writing "thank you" cards! It has been over a year since our white wedding and I still have not sent out the "thank you" cards yet. It's not that I'm not grateful. I am extraordinarily grateful, in fact. I just don't show it by sending "thank you" cards.
It's 63 degrees in our apartment right now and I'm chilly. Our landlord has been avoiding paying the heating bill (our rent is so high that it includes the cost of heating) and then when he finally paid it, the apartment building's heating system broke and he refused to fix it for about a month. My husband, our cats and I survived a harsh and cold storm with no indoor heating for weeks. Even though we all huddled together, I still could not shake the chill. I slept with two blankets, a husband and several cats and I was still cold. Eventually he fixed the heating system but I'm not sure what is going on right now. Perhaps he's just too cheap to turn on the radiators today. I shouldn't be complaining that it's 63 degrees because we lived with the apartment being much colder.
I take care of one stray cat in particular but the food that I put outside gets eaten by other cats as well. "Mama Cat," we call her because she's birthed so many litters of kittens, has been under my supervision for a couple of years now. My husband and I trapped and spayed her months ago so that she could focus on keeping herself alive and not constantly worrying about her brood. She's feral but she lets me get about a foot away from her when I'm bringing her food at night. When the weather is bad, I feel really sorry for her. Even though we've supplied her with a make-shift home consisting of a cardboard box and several items of clothing, she still must endure the harsh temperatures. I wish we could do more for her.
Thursday, December 13, 2012
Hello dear family, friends and total strangers! I am pleased that you are reading my blog. I hope that you find a modicum of amusement within the confines of my postings / rants / informative musings.
I am nearly finished with my degree at Point Park University and I have decided that my skills would be best suited for teaching English as a second language in South Korea. I do have ideas for future plans beyond South Korea but I would rather not discuss them at the present time.
I have been temporarily accepted into my program of choice, TaLK. I have had some issues with sending in paperwork to the proper authorities and so I am accepted but other people who have turned in their paperwork on time will be given priority. If, for this reason, I cannot get in to South Korea then I hope to find a mediocre job that I can put up with for at least six months. My "current" boss has not offered me any work in over a year so I shall assume that I am unemployed. This is unfortunate because I enjoy having money and I do rather enjoy spending said money as well. If anyone would like to send money to me out of the goodness of their hearts, I shall graciously accept that money. (Insert "smiley face" emoticon here.)
As long as I am not overwhelmed with other things, I will keep you apprised of my situation. Please wish me luck. I would love to have this opportunity to teach children in South Korea for one year.
I am nearly finished with my degree at Point Park University and I have decided that my skills would be best suited for teaching English as a second language in South Korea. I do have ideas for future plans beyond South Korea but I would rather not discuss them at the present time.
I have been temporarily accepted into my program of choice, TaLK. I have had some issues with sending in paperwork to the proper authorities and so I am accepted but other people who have turned in their paperwork on time will be given priority. If, for this reason, I cannot get in to South Korea then I hope to find a mediocre job that I can put up with for at least six months. My "current" boss has not offered me any work in over a year so I shall assume that I am unemployed. This is unfortunate because I enjoy having money and I do rather enjoy spending said money as well. If anyone would like to send money to me out of the goodness of their hearts, I shall graciously accept that money. (Insert "smiley face" emoticon here.)
As long as I am not overwhelmed with other things, I will keep you apprised of my situation. Please wish me luck. I would love to have this opportunity to teach children in South Korea for one year.
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